Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
