bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
