This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
