i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
