my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
