dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
