You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
