as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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