Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
