Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
