I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
