At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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