I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just high enough for therapy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
