Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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