I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
