I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
