Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
