I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
