Apparently you make a good broom.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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