Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
