That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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