ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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