I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My ass is underappreciated
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
