when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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