Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
