Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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