Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
