Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
