Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
