this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
