Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
