One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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