Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
