It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
