I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Randomize
