You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
