Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I looked at my own cervix.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
