May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
