My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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