I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What a dumb baby whore.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
