I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
