i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We need to rekindle our bromance
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
