yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
