i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it's like iHOP with fire
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
