some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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