i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this must be what syphilis tastes like
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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