are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just high enough for therapy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
