Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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