Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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