By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
