I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
