why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
